This one would definitely require a trip to the emergency room. SureThere would be no mistaking my intention this time. Everyone would hear and understand the seriousness of the problem when I was done tonight. I had stashed one bullet that fit my dad’s eight millimeter (8mm) carbine. I forced mly this would get everyone’s attention. Someone would have to do something to help this time. Lucky for me I still had enough sense and strength to go next door for aide. That was my i

This one would definitely require a trip to the emergency room. Surely this would get everyone’s attention. Someone would have to do something to help this time. Lucky for me I still had enough sense and strength to go next door for aide. That was my intention all along.

Just after midnight on August 18, 1968. I finally accomplished my goal of suicide. Over the three months prior to that I had made a couple of fruitless attempts, or at least what I thought were attempts. Thinking back, it could have just been a couple of unheard cries for help. Unfortunately, no one was listening; no one had a clue what I was going through.

Seven years ago, I learned that I had been living with PTSD for the last 57 years. Before then I had believed I was just a normal guy dealing with depression brought on by my brother’s suicide. I had some very delusional thoughts related to the afterlife. But even with that, I just thought I had a lot more insight into life and death that my brother’s spirit had been sharing with me.

August 18, 1968, is a date that never loosened its grip on my life. I was twelve years old, sitting in the living room of our home, when a single gunshot shattered everything that I thought I understood about the world.

This is probably the blog that involved the most research for me, because the relationship between, The Bible, God, Jesus, and suicide is a huge hot topic that many try to avoid. So, with my wife’s bible in hand we tackled this one. In some ways, and by some accounts the first suicide in the Bible was not a physical suicide but is a spiritual suicide.

Grief after a suicide loss is often described as one of the most complex and painful forms of bereavement. Alongside deep sadness, people may experience guilt, anger, confusion, or even a sense of abandonment. It’s also common for survivors to face mental health challenges such as Depression, Anxiety, or Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Because of this layered emotional impact, treatment often involves a combination of approaches tailored to the individual. There is not

For most of my life, silence felt like the only option. Fifty-seven years ago, my world changed in a way that no child, or anyone, should ever have to experience. In a single, violent moment, I was exposed to a trauma so profound that it shaped the course of my life in ways I did not fully understand for decades. I carried that moment with me, quietly, invisibly, as I moved through the years.

There is a strong cultural impulse to explain suicide in simple terms. When something so devastating happens, people reach for clarity; one cause, one turning point, one person or moment that “led to it.” It’s understandable. Simplicity feels safer than uncertainty. But suicide is rarely, if ever, simple. Reducing it to a single cause not only misrepresents reality; it can also obscure the deeper, more uncomfortable truths that deserve attention.

Suicide changes the trajectory of every life it touches. For me, it was the defining moment of my childhood and something that has followed me for more than five decades. My brother, Richard Dale Sanders, was born on October 29, 1951. He died by suicide on August 18, 1968. He was sixteen years old. I was twelve.

Supporting someone after the loss of a loved one is never simple. When the death is by suicide, the path can be much more complicated. Many people worry about saying the wrong thing, making the pain worse, or not knowing how to respond with words or actions. The truth is, you don’t need perfect words. You need presence, patience, and compassion.

Trigger Warning: This post discusses suicide and its emotional impact. If you are struggling with thoughts of self-harm, please reach out for immediate help.

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is a serious mental health condition that can develop after experiencing or witnessing a traumatic event. These events may include exposure to combat, sexual or physical assaults, serious accidents, or other life-threatening experiences.

First and Lasting Reaction. Blame frequently emerges in conversations about suicide. It’s easy to assign, but difficult to let go. People often blame others or themselves for actions or words leading up to a suicide, bringing anger and sadness that hinder finding peace after such a loss.

This blog contains the coroner’s report from my brother’s suicide just as it was written, word for word with no additions, deletions or spelling/grammar corrections. The only difference is that I broke it into sections. This report can also be found in my book, Bonded a Brother’s Love.

My world has changed significantly since I made the decision to actively get involved as a suicide prevention advocate. I had no plan to get into suicide awareness as a way of life. And it did not start gradually. It jumped into my life.

Fourth in the series “Mistakes” Blog. I’m going to pick up where we left off going into Chapter 19, “We, Were An Elite Soldier”. But as I get back into it, I want to remind everyone again that the mistakes don’t come with blame.There was plenty of blame to go around, some of it was unfounded, but I didn’t care. I had to find someone to blame, this all couldn’t be Richard’s fault, he was just a boy.

Third in the series “Mistakes” Blog. I’m going to pick up where we left off going into Chapter 12, We Just Stopped Going. But as I get back into it, I want to remind everyone that the mistakes don’t come with blame. In the beginning I blamed everyone for my brother’s suicide, including myself. At one point I was blaming people I didn’t even know and had never met.

I want to remind everyone that the mistakes don’t come with blame. In the beginning I blamed everyone for my brother’s suicide, including myself. At one point I was blaming people I didn’t even know and had never met. Just someone that I had heard made a derogatory comment about my brother after he died. There was plenty of blame to go around and it was eating me up. But the blame has ceased and has turned into a recognition of mistakes that were made.

I was lying in bed this morning, unable to sleep any longer. My thoughts kept returning to how to share this book in a way that truly reaches the people it’s meant for. Social media feels like the most realistic path, but it’s also a crowded, fast-moving space. If something doesn’t connect almost immediately, it’s easy for it to be passed by.