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MISTAKES 3**

  • Writer: David "Joe" Sanders
    David "Joe" Sanders
  • Jan 23
  • 5 min read


Third in the series “Mistakes” Blog. I’m going to pick up where we left off going into Chapter 12, We Just Stopped Going. But as I get back into it, I want to remind everyone that the mistakes don’t come with blame. In the beginning I blamed everyone for my brother’s suicide, including myself. At one point I was blaming people I didn’t even know and had never met.

Bonded A Brother’s Love

Third in the series “Mistakes” Blog. I’m going to pick up where we left off going into Chapter 12, We Just Stopped Going. But as I get back into it, I want to remind everyone that the mistakes don’t come with blame. In the beginning I blamed everyone for my brother’s suicide, including myself. At one point I was blaming people I didn’t even know and had never met. Just someone that I had heard made a derogatory comment about my brother after he died. There was plenty of blame to go around and it was eating me up. But the blame has ceased and has turned into a recognition of mistakes that were made.

 

Finding where the mistakes were made in this chapter was my easiest task yet, beginning with the title statement, we just stopped going. We first stopped talking to anyone that really mattered, the teachers, classmates and family. For me, I knew there was no way they could possibly understand what we were going through. And then, we just stopped going.

CHAPTER 12_WE JUST STOPPED GOING

Finding where the mistakes were made in this chapter was my easiest task yet, beginning with the title statement, we just stopped going. We first stopped talking to anyone that really mattered, the teachers, classmates and family. For me, I knew there was no way they could possibly understand what we were going through. And then, we just stopped going. Quit school, stopped going to family gatherings. Didn’t even make any of my grandparent’s funerals. I was driving everyone away from me and the bigger mistake was that the system was not only allowing it, but was used to allowing it.  

 

CHAPTER 13_WHEN THE WORLD TURNS ITS BACK

Going into year number two post suicide I have learned what it takes to spend most of my time away from home and no one has tried to reel that in. I am very lucky that I didn’t follow in my brother’s footsteps completely. When a kid at fourteen decides to check out of the family and society in general. Someone has to step up. Even though these mistakes were of my own doing, I knew not what I was doing, and the system was willing to turn its back. 

 

CHAPTER 14_ISN’T IT STRANGE

First, I have to get away from what is sounding like a common theme, blaming the system. Again, there were failures at all levels and plenty of mistakes that lead to one child’s death and another’s lost conscience reality. But the mistakes made here were again not talking about the suicide at all, and both parents being willing to watch it happen again to the next son in line. I know from living it that it had to look like an instant replay.

 

All I needed here to survive, was for my mother to put her foot down and to not ask if I wanted to stay, but to take command. If you are going through a divorce don’t let your children make their choice of which parent to live with based on which one is going to let them get high. There must be an honest way to talk with your children during a separation that makes them understand that expectations are needed in life.

CHAPTER 15_CO-EXISTENCE

All I needed here to survive, was for my mother to put her foot down and to not ask if I wanted to stay, but to take command. If you are going through a divorce don’t let your children make their choice of which parent to live with based on which one is going to let them get high. There must be an honest way to talk with your children during a separation that makes them understand that expectations are needed in life.

 

CHAPTER 16_I’M CRAZY, PLEASE HELP!

Dad didn’t miss my cry for help here. He read it not only to himself but shared it with others. The note said out loud that I was stuck inside of my little brother, reliving everything that had led to my first suicide. But still it was ignored, blown off. Allowing time for Joe’s first time at hurting himself. Well, maybe he didn’t complete ignore it, we did move out of state, putting some geographical distance between the scene of my suicide. Unfortunately, we took the source of Joe’s anxiety along with us in full bloom.

 

CHAPTER 17_RUSSELL

I would say that my stepmother and I share in the responsibility of me being kicked out of the house. But our whole household, living and dead shared that responsibility, with me being the number one source of the problem. I knew just how to push her buttons; she did not know the first thing about parenting and there should have been more expectations all around. Instead, we meet up again 1,500 miles away, me at sixteen living outside of my dad’s home, with a strong death wish of my own.

 

I don’t know about you, but it sounds like the mistakes start again at the title of this one. How does a lost boy on his 17th birthday, that has a definite death wish get inducted into the military. With not one, but two military officers acknowledging my depression and anxiety from the suicide. During times of war, they’ll grab anyone willing. I am very glad they did allow me to serve, but the last thing I really needed in my life at that time was a rifle in my hand and the constant sound of artillery fire.

CHAPTER 18_WE’RE IN THE ARMY NOW

I don’t know about you, but it sounds like the mistakes start again at the title of this one. How does a lost boy on his 17th birthday, that has a definite death wish get inducted into the military. With not one, but two military officers acknowledging my depression and anxiety from the suicide. During times of war, they’ll grab anyone willing. I am very glad they did allow me to serve, but the last thing I really needed in my life at that time was a rifle in my hand and the constant sound of artillery fire. The proudest moments of my life were also the most mentally challenging.

 

What still has to stand out isn’t any one mistake, but how quietly they stacked up. None were made with cruelty, only confusion, grief, immaturity, and silence. I didn’t yet have language for what was happening inside me, only ways to escape it, and each escape left me more isolated from help, truth, and myself. What followed wasn’t sudden; it was built slowly, through unspoken pain and unanswered questions that would eventually demand to be faced.

 


**TO BE CONTINUED ON FUTURE BLOGS.

 


**Reach out to me at any time.  I am not only willing, but I also look forward to taking a share of your pain. Email: David@bondedabrotherslove.com. You will get a caring same day response. Nothing scripted.    You are not alone, and you matter.

**Reach out to me at any time. 

I am not only willing, but I also look forward to taking a share of your pain. Email: David@bondedabrotherslove.com. You will get a caring same day response.


Nothing scripted.   

You are not alone, and you matter.





If You’re Struggling If you or someone you love or know is in a dark place, please know you’re not alone and there is help available. Reaching out is a sign of strength, not weakness. There are people ready to listen, ready to walk with you, and ready to help. Immediate assistance is available: National Suicide & Crisis Lifeline   📞 988 Veterans Crisis Line   📞 1-800-273-8255 (Press 1) | 📱 Text 838255 Survivor Support / Crisis Group   🌐 https://www.crisishotline.org  📞 832-416-1177

If You’re Struggling

If you or someone you love or know is in a dark place, please know you’re not alone and there is help available. Reaching out is a sign of strength, not weakness. There are people ready to listen, ready to walk with you, and ready to help.


Immediate assistance is available:


National Suicide & Crisis Lifeline  

📞 988


Veterans Crisis Line  

📞 1-800-273-8255 (Press 1) | 📱 Text 838255


Survivor Support / Crisis Group  

🌐 https://www.crisishotline.org  📞 832-416-1177

 


💡 If you know someone who needs to hear that they are not alone, share this story. Together, we can create echoes of hope that outlast the pain.


Bonded: A Brother’s Love — One Bullet. A Thousand Echoes.This book is more than my story. It is a voice for every family devastated by suicide and a lifeline for those standing at the edge of despair. My hope is that it reaches the one who needs it most. If even one person chooses life because of it, then every tear and every word will have been worth it. 📖 Order your copy today : https://tinyurl.com/3h87mjy6 and join me in breaking the silence. Together we can spread hope, honor the lost, and change the future.

For more than five decades, I carried this story in silence. Silence nearly broke me, but telling it is what keeps hope alive.


Bonded: A Brother’s Love : One Bullet. A Thousand Echoes my hope is that it offers understanding, connection, and even a reason to hold on when life feels unbearable.



📖 Order your copy today and join me in breaking the silence. Together we can spread hope, honor the lost, and change the future.


For more than five decades, I carried this story in silence. Silence nearly broke me, but telling it is what keeps hope alive. Bonded: A Brother’s Love : One Bullet. A Thousand Echoes my hope is that it offers understanding, connection, and even a reason to hold on when life feels unbearable. 📖 Order your copy today and join me in breaking the silence. Together we can spread hope, honor the lost, and change the future.

 
 
 

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