HOLIDAYS WITH PTSD

What do the holidays mean to people with PTSD? Well, first let me say this: these are my experiences and feelings during the holiday season. I’m not a counselor, and everyone with PTSD feels things differently. But for the most part the people I associate with that have PTSD have similar feelings.

DON’T BELONG

All types of crowds are generally hard for people with PTSD, but holiday gatherings just seem to be harder. There is more smiling and laughter, more alcohol flowing, more stories being shared, and more talk about happy moments. You feel like you somehow missed the boat. If you are outgoing at all you try to fit in with the meaningful conversations, but usually just land next to the one other person in the room that also has problems socializing with groups. You spend the evening thinking more about why you just don’t belong there.

FAMILY TIME

As your family expands, your grown children get married, have those beautiful grandchildren that you love to spend time with, but as should be the case, the new in-laws also love to spend time with them, so you can only hope that you now get a fair share of their holiday time. When it doesn’t work out the way I hoped, I tend to turn inward and wonder if it’s something about me. It’s easy to compare myself to the bright, energetic grandparents who jump right into the chaos, while I’m the quieter one who sits back and watches. A Catch-22, wanting to be immersed in the fun time with your grandchildren, but not really being comfortable with the holidays in general.

GRIEF IN THE MIX

PTSD comes along for many reasons, but for me, mine was initiated by witnessing the immediate aftermath of a loved one’s suicide by gunshot. So, when the holidays come along there are always the thoughts of what would he be doing now. What would his children and grandchildren be doing now? How many Christmas seasons has he missed? Why did he go away before he had children or grandchildren? Why did he choose to go away at all? And the worst thoughts of all, how did I contribute to his suicide in the first place? No place for any thoughts like that during the festive holidays, but I guarantee you those thoughts are all there when grief is in the mix.

BUDGET & CASH FLOW

For me I rarely think about the excessive cash flow that happens at Christmas. We try to keep up with the times and purchase gifts that will be useful for each of the grandchildren. But when we had a regular cashflow (being retired now) our immediate family unit was much smaller. This year instead of the four family members we had when our children were small, we have an ever-expanding family group of sixteen. Already dealing with a mental disorder that quite often makes you falsely believe that you are a failure, the last thing you want to do is fail to deliver a smile to the little ones that mean so much to you. And for many of the folks dealing with PTSD cash is a little harder to come by than the general population, making their holiday even a little more disappointing.

YOUR THOUGHTS

Why are your thoughts rarely of the abundance of blessings that you have been given through life? Instead, your thoughts seem to find their way to your few failures in life. Your thoughts take in all of the holiday cheer happening around you but can switch quickly to your awkwardness. Instead of enjoying the time with family, you catch yourself checking the clock, wondering if you’ve stayed long enough to count as a meaningful visit. Then you slip back home to your safe spot, your recliner and the electronics you use to pass the time.  All along having thoughts of not really fitting in with your own family that know and love you, for who and what you are, including the extra baggage that you always bring with you.

THIS CHRISTMAS

This Christmas find a way to put your accomplishments in the front of the failures. Instead of the car payment you missed earlier this year, be glad of the eleven payments you made on time. Instead of the missing family member that can no longer be there, look around at all of the family members that are there now. Instead of your comrade that didn’t make it home from the war or in my case the brother that didn’t make it out of his teens, concentrate your thoughts on the guys that came home with you and the family that has always been here with you and for you. I’m personally feeling extremely blessed and am going to try my hardest to carry that thought into every holiday gathering that I am lucky enough to attend.

God bless you all.

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THE SIMPLE TRUTH, WHEN IT COMES TO SUICIDE, TALKING SAVES LIVES!!

**Reach out to me at any time. 

I am not only willing, but I also look forward to taking a share of your pain. Email: David@bondedabrotherslove.com. You will get a caring same day response.

Nothing scripted.   

You are not alone, and you matter.

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If You’re Struggling

If you or someone you love or know is in a dark place, please know you’re not alone and there is help available. Reaching out is a sign of strength, not weakness. There are people ready to listen, ready to walk with you, and ready to help.

Immediate assistance is available:

National Suicide & Crisis Lifeline  

📞 988

Veterans Crisis Line  

📞 1-800-273-8255 (Press 1) | 📱 Text 838255

Survivor Support / Crisis Group  

🌐 https://www.crisishotline.org  📞 832-416-1177

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💡 If you know someone who needs to hear that they are not alone, share this story. Together, we can create echoes of hope that outlast the pain.

For more than five decades, I carried this story in silence. Silence nearly broke me, but telling it is what keeps hope alive.

Bonded: A Brother’s Love : One Bullet. A Thousand Echoes my hope is that it offers understanding, connection, and even a reason to hold on when life feels unbearable.

📖 Order your copy today and join me in breaking the silence. Together we can spread hope, honor the lost, and change the future.