CHAPTER 6 & 7

NOTE: Looking back, this was a very critical time in my life. Richard’s shared space so to speak was just getting a foothold on me. Of course, I had not shared that information with my mother yet, or anyone else. Just the fact that they somehow got me to agree to go to Washington was amazing to me. I probably got off of the plane, looking for a way to get back on and leave.

Even though it was kind of fun to watch how a mom actually operated. Something I forgot long ago. So here we go, my short attempt and theirs, to save a kid that was already way beyond that point.

CHAPTER 6: SUZY HOMEMAKER

Getting to know her again was going to be good. The stepfather is fairly strict, an ex-marine that had served in the Korean War. His house was ran his way, firm, lots of rules. Him and mom both had expectations of Joe that neither one of us were used to or willing to accept.

They think they are only dealing with a naïve, twelve-year old that has a problem dealing with his brother’s suicide. No one had any idea that I was also here and not only along for the ride, but quite often directing the traffic.

We are all trying to make things work. Things seem okay. But there is a haunting memory here. Something about this house that strongly contributed to my suicide. I will not let it surface and Joe cannot figure it out, at least not yet. Whatever it is I’m not worried about it because I know we will not be

here long.

These people that live here, my mother, little brother, little sister and stepfather are way too close to being normal. Their idea of normal is like living in a foreign country for me, where I do not speak the language or know the customs.

The only high I’ve had for months are Joe’s Valiums. And mom has been real tight about handing those out. I need to smoke a joint. The sickly little twerp I have to share my existence with will never get high, especially in this atmosphere.

My stepfather was a general contractor and home builder, along with forever being a proud marine. My mother is the ideal Susie Homemaker. She could mix a cake with one hand while sewing a shirt with the other.

This place might have been a good place to start out when we were young. But it will never work now. I feel like I’m living in an episode of The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet. We have got to get out of here. The house and people here are really bothering me. I can’t even pretend to act like I belong here.

These are good people with morals. Our worlds are too different. I am the only one living in the real world. They can keep their smiles and happiness, it has to be make believe. A few months in Washington would be all we could take. I couldn’t wait to get on that plane and be headed back to my familiar surroundings.

CHAPTER 7: FLIPPING JOE

It felt so good to be back in Southern California. Here with the same great dad. No rules, no bedtime, plenty of opportunity to grow together in the way I wanted to. I am not sure what coin was flipped to decide what kids lived with whom, but I know Joe and I came up on the winning side.

I think it is time to introduce Joe to the high life. I know if I get him together with some of my old friends, then we can both get to feeling better. I think some people know we are both here together, while most others just see a troubled kid. No one knows how to deal with it either way.

Popular thinking was to just keep feeding Joe the Valiums. That should take care of his problem. Getting high will help to disguise some of the other issues. I cannot and do not want to tell dad this time that we are getting high. Joe has always been his good little boy. Fortunately, dad won’t be able to see what his heart won’t allow. He loves Joe so much it will be easy to hide getting high from him.

If dad even started to suspect anything he would deny it to himself. That would be easier for him than facing the problem again. Hell, he didn’t face it the first time. Anyway, now I will give Joe all of the street smarts he needs, along with my old connections, and strength. In return he can give me a new start and a new vessel in which to travel.

Thirteen is a good age to start smoking pot. I did it before at that age and it never hurt me. It sure makes school a drag though. But we’ll stop going there soon enough. It has been six months now since the suicide. I am settling into this new gig okay and Joe will get used to it soon.

Joe has never tried any type of drug before. He actually hated drugs, tobacco and alcohol. He knew it was a big part of what took my time from him while I was alive. His first introduction to drugs would be smoking pot like the rest of us had. We hooked up with one of my old friends named David Jones, and with my help talked Joe into trying it as his first step into this new world we would have to share, like it or not.

Before that night was over, I could tell that flipping Joe was not going to be easy. He was not only uncomfortable with our shared existence; he also really wasn’t a fan of David’s. I had left Joe alone too many times while I was alive and getting high with David. Now it was the three of us together again. And Joe was still odd man out. But at least we have taken the scare off smoking pot for him.

Joe is adapting well to my presence now; he will not need to adapt to anything else. I am sure since we started smoking pot it is helping to ease his pain. With the help of a little pot I can get him through anything that comes our way. Sometimes I know my presence overcomes him, actually terrifies him from time to time. But at least he has learned to accept it and live with it. I don’t know why he still steers clear of that furnace. He knows now where I am really at.

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**Reach out to me at any time. 

I am not only willing, but I also look forward to taking a share of your pain.

Email: David@bondedabrotherslove.com. You will get a caring same day response.

Nothing scripted. 

You are not alone, and you matter.

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If You’re Struggling

If you or someone you love or know is in a dark place, please know you’re not alone and there is help available. Reaching out is a sign of strength, not weakness. There are people ready to listen, ready to walk with you, and ready to help.

Immediate assistance is available:

National Suicide & Crisis Lifeline  

📞 988

Veterans Crisis Line  

📞 1-800-273-8255 (Press 1) | 📱 Text 838255

Survivor Support / Crisis Group  

🌐 https://www.crisishotline.org  📞 832-416-1177

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💡 If you know someone who needs to hear that they are not alone, share this story. Together, we can create echoes of hope that outlast the pain.

For more than five decades, I carried this story in silence. Silence nearly broke me, but telling it is what keeps hope alive.

Bonded: A Brother’s Love : One Bullet. A Thousand Echoes my hope is that it offers understanding, connection, and even a reason to hold on when life feels unbearable.

📖 Order your copy today and join me in breaking the silence. Together we can spread hope, honor the lost, and change the future.