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What, When, Why & My Answers

  • Writer: David "Joe" Sanders
    David "Joe" Sanders
  • Dec 5, 2025
  • 4 min read


What? What makes you have thoughts of suicide? Is it your own pending suicide that monopolizes your thoughts or is it a past or pending suicide of someone close to you that eats away at you? What happened in your life that initiated your suicidal thoughts? Was it something that happened to you or is it the guilt you feel for something you did to others? What makes you think your issues are different or worse than the person standing next to you? What do you do to make the thoughts of suicide disappear even for just a short time?

What?

What makes you have thoughts of suicide? Is it your own pending suicide that monopolizes your thoughts or is it a past or pending suicide of someone close to you that eats away at you? What happened in your life that initiated your suicidal thoughts? Was it something that happened to you or is it the guilt you feel for something you did to others? What makes you think your issues are different or worse than the person standing next to you? What do you do to make the thoughts of suicide disappear even for just a short time?

 

When? When are the thoughts of suicide most prevalent in your mind? Is it when you are alone or when you are in a crowd of people? Is it on a particular date or in a particular time of year or season? When you see a particular person, color or style of hair does that bring on thoughts of suicide? When you hear a particular voice or song or smell a particular odor or fragrance? Memories are brought on through all our senses, vision, hearing, smell.

When?

When are the thoughts of suicide most prevalent in your mind? Is it when you are alone or when you are in a crowd of people? Is it on a particular date or in a particular time of year or season? When you see a particular person, color or style of hair does that bring on thoughts of suicide? When you hear a particular voice or song or smell a particular odor or fragrance? Memories are brought on through all our senses, vision, hearing, smell.



When? When are the thoughts of suicide most prevalent in your mind? Is it when you are alone or when you are in a crowd of people? Is it on a particular date or in a particular time of year or season? When you see a particular person, color or style of hair does that bring on thoughts of suicide? When you hear a particular voice or song or smell a particular odor or fragrance? Memories are brought on through all our senses, vision, hearing, smell.

Why?

Why does it happen to only you? Why does it bring on tears, anger and rage? Why do you turn some of that anger toward yourself? Why haven’t you been able to resolve a particular thought pattern that brings on thoughts of suicide? Why do the simple things in life bring tears to your life? And why do those tears turn into thoughts of suicide? Why is everything over thought until the little issues turn into big ones?

 

My Answers


Answers to What. I have asked myself all of the questions above and knowing the answers to most has not brought a resolution to my frequent suicidal ideations. For me the thoughts of suicide are for two reasons, a past suicide of someone close to me and ways to successfully kill myself. These two answers fit, because of what happened to me personally and the guilt I carry for things I have done to others. I know that all of us have different reasons for thoughts of suicide and none are worse than others, except to the individual, and at the time the thoughts are hitting the hardest. Making the thoughts go away is never an easy process. I have found sharing these thoughts with others, being honest with and about my feelings lessens the immediate load. 

Answers to What.

I have asked myself all of the questions above and knowing the answers to most has not brought a resolution to my frequent suicidal ideations. For me the thoughts of suicide are for two reasons, a past suicide of someone close to me and ways to successfully kill myself. These two answers fit, because of what happened to me personally and the guilt I carry for things I have done to others. I know that all of us have different reasons for thoughts of suicide and none are worse than others, except to the individual, and at the time the thoughts are hitting the hardest. Making the thoughts go away is never an easy process. I have found sharing these thoughts with others, being honest with and about my feelings lessens the immediate load. 



Answers to When.

Answers to When. “When” is probably the hardest answer for me to put a certainty to, because the when is all encompassing. At family events, accomplishments and failures. When I am in crowds I often think of my brother missing out on the event or festivities. When I am alone for any extended period of time the thoughts of suicide eat me up. When I see people from the past that knew me or my family back then. When I see the right face on TV. Even when there are new births or deaths, “when” hits hard and always end with the same question, when will it stop???? I usually end up crying and feeling sorry for myself just for living. This is strange in itself since for the most part I have lived a very blessed life.

“When” is probably the hardest answer for me to put a certainty to, because the when is all encompassing. At family events, accomplishments and failures. When I am in crowds I often think of my brother missing out on the event or festivities. When I am alone for any extended period of time the thoughts of suicide eat me up. When I see people from the past that knew me or my family back then. When I see the right face on TV. Even when there are new births or deaths, “when” hits hard and always end with the same question, when will it stop???? I usually end up crying and feeling sorry for myself just for living. This is strange in itself since for the most part I have lived a very blessed life.

                 

Answers to Why.

For me, the answer to why is complicated. Obviously it doesn’t happen only to me, yet I’ve still asked myself that question a million times—that familiar pull toward self-pity. The tears come more often with age, and they always bring me back to that same lonely “why.” My own suicidal thoughts and my brother’s suicide intertwine until I can’t tell one from the other. The confusion turns into anger, then self-doubt, and eventually the kind of overthinking that wears me down again.


What, When and Why Questions The What, When, and Why have shaped so many of my days, sometimes without me realizing it. They’ve slowed my steps, clouded my choices, and pushed me into corners I never meant to stand in. I don't pretend these questions will ever fully disappear. They rise, they fade, and they come back again, just like memories do. But I’m learning this: every time I speak honestly about them, every time I let someone else into the struggle instead of carrying it alone, the weight shifts just enough for me to keep going. As long as I keep asking, keep answering, and keep telling the truth, there’s still room for hope to grow.

What, When and Why Questions

The What, When, and Why have shaped so many of my days, sometimes without me realizing it. They’ve slowed my steps, clouded my choices, and pushed me into corners I never meant to stand in. I don't pretend these questions will ever fully disappear. They rise, they fade, and they come back again, just like memories do.


But I’m learning this: every time I speak honestly about them, every time I let someone else into the struggle instead of carrying it alone, the weight shifts just enough for me to keep going.

As long as I keep asking, keep answering, and keep telling the truth, there’s still room for hope to grow.

 


THE SIMPLE TRUTH, WHEN IT COMES TO SUICIDE, TALKING SAVES LIVES!!


**Reach out to me at any time. 

I am not only willing, but I also look forward to taking a share of your pain. Email: David@bondedabrotherslove.com. You will get a caring same day response.


Nothing scripted.   

You are not alone, and you matter.



If you or someone you love or know is in a dark place, please know you’re not alone and there is help available. Reaching out is a sign of strength, not weakness. There are people ready to listen, ready to walk with you, and ready to help.

If You’re Struggling

If you or someone you love or know is in a dark place, please know you’re not alone and there is help available. Reaching out is a sign of strength, not weakness. There are people ready to listen, ready to walk with you, and ready to help.


Immediate assistance is available:


National Suicide & Crisis Lifeline  

📞 988


Veterans Crisis Line  

📞 1-800-273-8255 (Press 1) | 📱 Text 838255


Survivor Support / Crisis Group  

🌐 https://www.crisishotline.org  📞 832-416-1177

 


💡 If you know someone who needs to hear that they are not alone, share this story. Together, we can create echoes of hope that outlast the pain.


Bonded: A Brother’s Love — One Bullet. A Thousand Echoes.This book is more than my story. It is a voice for every family devastated by suicide and a lifeline for those standing at the edge of despair. My hope is that it reaches the one who needs it most. If even one person chooses life because of it, then every tear and every word will have been worth it. 📖 Order your copy today : https://tinyurl.com/3h87mjy6 and join me in breaking the silence. Together we can spread hope, honor the lost, and change the future.

For more than five decades, I carried this story in silence. Silence nearly broke me, but telling it is what keeps hope alive.


Bonded: A Brother’s Love : One Bullet. A Thousand Echoes my hope is that it offers understanding, connection, and even a reason to hold on when life feels unbearable.



📖 Order your copy today and join me in breaking the silence. Together we can spread hope, honor the lost, and change the future.


For more than five decades, I carried this story in silence. Silence nearly broke me, but telling it is what keeps hope alive. Bonded: A Brother’s Love : One Bullet. A Thousand Echoes my hope is that it offers understanding, connection, and even a reason to hold on when life feels unbearable. 📖 Order your copy today and join me in breaking the silence. Together we can spread hope, honor the lost, and change the future.

 
 
 

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