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CHAPTER 14:  ISN’T IT STRANGE?

  • Writer: David "Joe" Sanders
    David "Joe" Sanders
  • Jul 24
  • 5 min read

Continuing the series, bringing out the unedited version of the book BONDED A BROTHER’S LOVE one chapter at a time; here’s CHAPTER 14: ISN’T IT STRANGE?   Getting used to that particular piece of this hell was not something that was going to come easy for either one of us. Joe’s acceptance of my being there with him really made life a lot easier for both of us. There was no more fear of the unknown.


Continuing the series, bringing out the unedited version of the book BONDED A BROTHER’S LOVE one chapter at a time; here’s CHAPTER 14: ISN’T IT STRANGE?

 

Getting used to that particular piece of this hell was not something that was going to come easy for either one of us. Joe’s acceptance of my being there with him really made life a lot easier for both of us. There was no more fear of the unknown.

 

Joe really did not know how it happened, but he was sure that it did happen. My spirit was now in control of his everyday life. Not only comfortable with it, but for the most part loved me being here, there was no reason to grieve, I had not gone anywhere. I was here for him, with him, and inside him.

 

Joe has gotten brave enough now to start talking about us. Only to a select few of people that are very close. They are the only people we can trust not to tell anyone else. They are the only people that can understand something like this.


Joe has gotten brave enough now to start talking about us. Only to a select few of people that are very close. They are the only people we can trust not to tell anyone else. They are the only people that can understand something like this.

The one person that we spend most of our time with has actually been able to tell there are two of us here within this body. There was no other explanation for Joe’s increased strength or his knowledge of street life. There is no way Joe went from the wimp he was two years ago to the cool person he is now without me being there.

 

One night I felt like I could show myself to the friend closest to Joe. I just needed to concentrate hard enough to lift up and separate from Joe enough to be seen by others. I was actually able to

do it, at least enough to look like the shadow or outline of another person surrounding Joe. It was a feeling that drained both of us. As it was happening Joe and I could feel the energy of the separation. And the guy that was with us could see it happening.

 

Joe’s hair was standing on end, his skin was tingling with the feel of electricity as I slowly pulled out and away from him. It is amazing what you can see or feel when you really want to, or when there has been enough grief in your life.

 

The rest of my family seems to finally be able to put my loss in the back of their mind. After all it has been two years, life must go on. I know that Marie still has nightmares about that night, but her and Joe never talk about it. My father stays lost in his job during the day and in the bar at nights, but that is no different than it was before my suicide.

 

Nothing has changed about his lifestyle. Other than I know from the sorrow in his eyes he will never get over the pain of losing his first son. Especially since I had taken my own life and in such a messy, violent way. Dad and Joe also never talk about the suicide together; they never even talk about my time alive.


Sometimes we will go weeks without seeing dad because of his lifestyle and ours. The life I am living with Joe is just a replay of my first time around, I hope it does not have the same ending. What a change Joe has gone through in two short years, from a scared little punk to a street wise loner. So easy to hide since most people see Joe’s mood changes as an after effect of the suicide grief. How long do the after effects of a suicide last? Is there ever going to be relief from this nightmare?

Sometimes we will go weeks without seeing dad because of his lifestyle and ours. The life I am living with Joe is just a replay of my first time around, I hope it does not have the same ending. What a change Joe has gone through in two short years, from a scared little punk to a street wise loner. So easy to hide since most people see Joe’s mood changes as an after effect of the suicide grief. How long do the after effects of a suicide last? Is there ever going to be relief from this nightmare?

 

I really didn’t know what my mom felt about my suicide since we lived so far apart. Of course, it was never discussed when we spent time with her in Washington after the suicide. Isn’t that strange? Your twelve-year-old son has recently seen his brother’s brains blown all over the room they shared, and it never makes for a conversation. Wouldn’t want to talk about that, may bring up too many bad memories.

 

If they only knew how much help that could have been for Joe to release some of the pain, he was feeling. It wouldn’t be until later in life when mom and Joe had gotten close again that either of us would find out how much the suicide had hurt her. She had shared some of the blame herself along with many others, even though she was nowhere around.

 


She knew leaving us with my father was the wrong thing to do. She knew I had started getting high at a very young age, she knew my life was filled with violence and rage. Wasn’t it her duty to step in and save me from that lifestyle, or did she feel that she already had enough children to take care of? Was it that she knew I was more trouble than I was worth? Whatever the reason it was too late now to change things, why even try?

She knew leaving us with my father was the wrong thing to do. She knew I had started getting high at a very young age, she knew my life was filled with violence and rage. Wasn’t it her duty to step in and save me from that lifestyle, or did she feel that she already had enough children to take care of? Was it that she knew I was more trouble than I was worth? Whatever the reason it was too late now to change things, why even try?

 

Mom, did you and dad really just flip a coin to see who got which kids and just leave it as that, no matter what the outcome was? I really think there was some conventional thinking that the two boys should go with dad, and the two girls should go with mom, along with the youngest baby brother that was not dad’s biological child. I do understand the thinking.

 

Even letting the children as young as they were have some input as to which parent they might stay with. But once those decisions are made do you then just close your eyes to what is happening with the sons you left behind? Not just through one son’s lifetime, but to sit back and watch it happen again?

 

 


**Reach out to me at any time.  I am not only willing, but I also look forward to taking a share of your pain. Email: David@bondedabrotherslove.com. You will get a caring same day response. Nothing scripted.  You are not alone, and you matter.

**Reach out to me at any time. 


I am not only willing, but I also look forward to taking a share of your pain. Email: David@bondedabrotherslove.com. You will get a caring same day response.


Nothing scripted. 

 

You are not alone, and you matter.




If You’re Struggling If you or someone you love or know is in a dark place, please know you’re not alone and there is help available. Reaching out is a sign of strength, not weakness. There are people ready to listen, ready to walk with you, and ready to help. Immediate assistance is available: National Suicide & Crisis Lifeline   📞 988 Veterans Crisis Line   📞 1-800-273-8255 (Press 1) | 📱 Text 838255 Survivor Support / Crisis Group   🌐 https://www.crisishotline.org  📞 832-416-1177

If You’re Struggling

If you or someone you love or know is in a dark place, please know you’re not alone and there is help available. Reaching out is a sign of strength, not weakness. There are people ready to listen, ready to walk with you, and ready to help.

Immediate assistance is available:


National Suicide & Crisis Lifeline  

📞 988


Veterans Crisis Line  

📞 1-800-273-8255 (Press 1) | 📱 Text 838255


Survivor Support / Crisis Group  

🌐 https://www.crisishotline.org  📞 832-416-1177

 


💡 If you know someone who needs to hear that they are not alone, share this story. Together, we can create echoes of hope that outlast the pain.


Bonded: A Brother’s Love — One Bullet. A Thousand Echoes.This book is more than my story. It is a voice for every family devastated by suicide and a lifeline for those standing at the edge of despair. My hope is that it reaches the one who needs it most. If even one person chooses life because of it, then every tear and every word will have been worth it. 📖 Order your copy today : https://tinyurl.com/3h87mjy6 and join me in breaking the silence. Together we can spread hope, honor the lost, and change the future.

For more than five decades, I carried this story in silence. Silence nearly broke me, but telling it is what keeps hope alive.


Bonded: A Brother’s Love : One Bullet. A Thousand Echoes my hope is that it offers understanding, connection, and even a reason to hold on when life feels unbearable.



📖 Order your copy today and join me in breaking the silence. Together we can spread hope, honor the lost, and change the future.


For more than five decades, I carried this story in silence. Silence nearly broke me, but telling it is what keeps hope alive. Bonded: A Brother’s Love : One Bullet. A Thousand Echoes my hope is that it offers understanding, connection, and even a reason to hold on when life feels unbearable. 📖 Order your copy today and join me in breaking the silence. Together we can spread hope, honor the lost, and change the future.

 
 
 

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